'The Dark Times'

What a melodramatic title eh? They say it’s always good to start a blog with strong title and content. Now this is probably my 25th blog, but the reason for starting this one is that what up till now what has been my main blog over on dashdotslash.net has became a bit more ‘mainstream’ and as such there are some things I can’t post there as it would affect my work and income as a result. So think of this as an extension of my YouTube ‘Waynecasts’ and my twitter stream. I wont be putting this blog out in he public domain but keeping it hopefully private.

The title of this blog is more accurate that many of you may realise... A shed lad of different sorts of shit has hit several fans all at once and one of them took up a lot of my times as result.

Short version of what’s been happening:

1. We came within hours of losing every damn thing we owned...our house (which would have left us homeless..I faced bankruptcy as a result...and a shed load of other serious knock on affects. We faced losing everything...and I do mean EVERYTHING.

2. Today at what was supposed to be a routine eye exam I was told I am going blind in my left eye.


Longer version:


So how the hell did we manage to get within hours of losing our house etc..? (And if you have nowhere to live it’s a safe bet that your family gets torn apart vey very fast.) The simple version is that as I do a lot of stuff for free to help others I do not make a much money as people assume. This came to bite me on the arse when a cock up by my bank left us in deep shit. We had nothing left, nowhere to turn and were sinking fast with no solution.

Simply put there was no way out. So cue more stress than anyone should have to handle and enough worry to kill a horse.


No matter what I tried... nothing was going to bring in enough cash to bail us out...and I do not beg or lend money from anyone as it’s a road to losing mates and feeling worthless. It was important to me to keep this problem ‘off grid’ and either sink or swim as best we could.

Thankfully thanks to 1 person who works high up for Autodesk put their hand in their own pocket when I let things slip one night by accident on Skype we are now (for the moment) out of the shit. Know this person wishes to remain anonymous so I’ll respect that. But it no exaggeration to say without this person doing what they did, off their own back, (I didn’t know a thing about it till it was all done by the way), we'd be currently homeless.

But surely I had favours I could have called in you are probably thinking? Yes I do...but I don’t call them in, for what it’s worth I have my pride. I do not beg, I do not ‘drop hints’ and I won’t go pressuring people to bail me out of a mess that it could be argued is partly my own making. One other person helped as well to a degree and for that I am grateful eternally. Hopefully by the time things get serious again in a month or two I’ll have made enough to not have the same problem...or need the same solution.

To be frank part of the problem is that some people know I will do things to help others usually for free. Let’s face it with some of the things I have one and helped create or popularise I should be making a fair old whack of money. But I won’t as I am a person who lives to try and help others. That is my biggest strength and also my biggest weakness. I can’t change who I am any more than a zebra can stop having stripes. I am what I am warts and all.
Ok so onto the eyes....

I’m still reeling from this, so beware it’s still a sore subject to me as I only found out a few hours ago that I am going blind in one eye. So obviously I don’t find it the least bit funny or humorous. For an artist that is bad....very bad. But for a 3d artist who work in 3 dimensions that’s unthinkable.

But let’s not pretend that sitting in front of a bank of monitors all day with your head close to a Cintiq screen isn’t going to cause eye problems! Although t be fair mine is due to a long term health problem I’ve had that now appears to be getting worse a little earlier than anticipated. I’ve had it for 23 years now and had sort of got to the stage where I ignore it and don’t think about it 99.9% of the time.

Maybe that also helps to explain why I seize the moment and live for now not the long term.

The long term problem I’ve had for 23 year is a serious problem with the left temporal lobe of my brain. So what exactly does that mean in non doctor speak? It means that ignoring all symptoms (as what they actually are isn’t important and the last thing I want to appear is a fucking whinging bastard), is that is degrades as I get older, it is expected that one day I will wake up with no memory of any length of time between 5 and 20 years of my life. Now that could happen tomorrow, or not till I‘m 157 years old. I’d like to think I’ll be long gone before it occurs though as I can’t imagine what it would be like for my family and friends if that happened. (Chances are I'd know sod all about it.) I’ve lived with it for most of my life (I’m 39 years old now), and for the best pat I ignore it and just get on with things.

We all have various problems in life and there are plenty of people that have problems far worse than mine. I feel it’s time to explain it as its starting to cause things that could make it a bit more obvious. It makes more sense for me to explain what is happening and why than for people to make stuff up and try to work out what’s wrong.

But let’s get one thing straight... supposing I have to sculpt blindfolded I would. This stuff wont stop me and nor should anyone ask that of me. Don’t treat me like a fucking invalid because I’m not... As chances are if you have seen this link you’ll already know...I NEVER give up....ever.
Either way it should be an interesting ride.